The Happy Place
I haven't written in a few days, and I missed it. A lot. Oddly enough, last week my mom gave me a journal that I kept during college. It was my whole freshman year...it was crazy looking back over those times. I have forgotten so many details of my life back then, but if you had asked me then I would have said I'd remember every moment. Not so. I didn't even remember the journal project for God's sake! And in the teacher's comment section she mentioned that I had a knack for journaling and should continue. Imagine that. It's taken 12 years...but maybe she was right.
Hannah-B had a visit to the endocrinologist yesterday. Typical visit. She talked more to him than normal, which was a pleasant surprise. We discussed dosages and HA1C levels (7.6) but nothing new. Then came the blood draw. Ugh. I always find myself feeling the same way when it gets to this part. A mixture of dread, anxiety and frustration. There must be an easier way...but they never seem to find an easier way before we get there for the next visit. So we muddle through exactly like we did 3 months before. I start out patient and understanding and end up feeling pissed off because she just can't sit still and get it over with. Then I feel guilty for not getting how much this sucks for her too. And how scary it must be and how brave she really is. And I realized yesterday that I forget that part a lot and I'm so sorry for that.
Since we are in spring break week, J&D came to pick the girls up after softball practice for a sleep-over. As the girlies were walking towards the car, I watched them and thought that they might just be the 2 most beautiful creatures I have ever seen. My love for them at that moment was overwhelming. I felt so satisified with my life right then that I wanted the world to stop so I could live in that moment forever.
It was the happiest I've been in a long time. And I needed to write it down so that the next time I think nothing is going my way, I can look back and see those words and know that happiness does exist within me. I just don't always know where to look.
Hannah-B had a visit to the endocrinologist yesterday. Typical visit. She talked more to him than normal, which was a pleasant surprise. We discussed dosages and HA1C levels (7.6) but nothing new. Then came the blood draw. Ugh. I always find myself feeling the same way when it gets to this part. A mixture of dread, anxiety and frustration. There must be an easier way...but they never seem to find an easier way before we get there for the next visit. So we muddle through exactly like we did 3 months before. I start out patient and understanding and end up feeling pissed off because she just can't sit still and get it over with. Then I feel guilty for not getting how much this sucks for her too. And how scary it must be and how brave she really is. And I realized yesterday that I forget that part a lot and I'm so sorry for that.
Since we are in spring break week, J&D came to pick the girls up after softball practice for a sleep-over. As the girlies were walking towards the car, I watched them and thought that they might just be the 2 most beautiful creatures I have ever seen. My love for them at that moment was overwhelming. I felt so satisified with my life right then that I wanted the world to stop so I could live in that moment forever.
It was the happiest I've been in a long time. And I needed to write it down so that the next time I think nothing is going my way, I can look back and see those words and know that happiness does exist within me. I just don't always know where to look.
posted by diabetes mom at 6:05 PM
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