In Memory

My Pop-Pop died in July after a couple of very long months. In the end, he just couldnt fight anymore and he left us to be with my Nanny again. I still forget sometimes that he is gone and expect that I will see him at mom's for dinner or that she will tell me about bringing him for groceries. I wasnt there when he died. I was on vacation in Maine. Before I left he told me about a trip he and Nan had taken to Maine with Aunt Jane and Uncle Bud. He talked about eating lobsters and getting taffy at the Goldenrod. It was the most lucid he had been in days. He held my hand and made me think that it was ok to go. So I went. He died 3 days into the trip.

Me not being there when he died was really a reflection of our relationship. I always felt a little removed from him...a little bit of an outsider in his world. I had learned to know him and love him thru my Nan and once she was gone, we lost that thread that had woven us together. He was a painful reminder of her and how much I miss her still. I loved him but I never really got to know him because I could not move past the grief.

So I went to the Goldenrod the day he died. I bought taffy and cried all alone. Cried for the moments we would miss in the future and the moments I had missed in the past. But mostly I cried because I knew they were together again. Forever.