Abs of Steel
I recently purchased a new piece of exercise equipment so that I could re-invent my physical self. I saw it on a TV informercial. Its called the Total Gym. Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley love it and I was pretty sure that if I had it, I would love it too. So I bought it.
Then UPS delivered it and I pretended for 3 days that it wasnt on my porch because I didnt want to have to use it. Not a great way to start.
Eventually Dan saw it out on the porch and dragged it into the house. It weighs like 110 pounds and neither of us wanted to bring it down the stairs so we left it in the kitchen. Very handy. I laid stuff on it. Used it as extra seating. Avoided looking at it.
During my Thursday night TV viewing last week, Dan decided that NOW would be the time to put it in the basement. With me complaining the whole way about it not taking longer that the commerical break, we got it down the stairs. That was a workout all on its own. I needed to rest after that. But thankfully, I didnt have Chuck Norris or Christie Brinkley staring up at me in my kitchen anymore.
Sunday morning I found myself sitting on the couch in my jammies watching TV. I was clicking away and found myself watching an infomercial. It was for the Total Gym. Damn, I thought. That looks like such a cool thing. That would really get me into shape. Duh! Could it be that I had already forgotten that I owned a Total Gym? That it was in the basement still all boxed up and waiting? Yep! The guilt was overwhelming. So I hauled myself off the couch and went downstairs in my jammies and took the first step toward fitness.
The box says 'fully assembeled - just open and use'. Yeah, right! After an hour of what I consider 'assembling', it was ready to go. It is a really neat machine. I am impressed by it and the potential it offers. So I hopped on. Now, the manual offers 4 levels - pre-beginner, beginer, intermediate and advanced. Who the hell wants to consider themselves so out of shape that the are pre-beginner? Not me! So I started with beginer. It was sometime during the 'overhead arch' that I began to notice the stich in my side. I kept going and it seemed to subside. I finished all of the exercises and felt really great. I showered and went on with my day.
Sunday night I was laying on the couch (are we seeing a pattern here?) watching a really bad TV movie and I rolled onto my side trying to get comfortable because I had a bit of a cramp in my side. The cramp turned out to be the 'stich' of earlier that day. Only 100 times worse now. By morning the 'stich' had grown into a 'stab' and my breathing had become compromised. Laughing and coughing were out of the question. They still are...
Having a bit of a dramatic flair about me, I am convinced that I have torn apart some crucial abdominal muscle that will forever keep me from getting in shape and wearing anything below a size 14. In reality, however, Im sure that I have simply pulled an abdomial muscle that somehow survived 2 pregnancies and was just withering away inside me praying for a crunch or two to keep it from extinction. I am trying to take some comfort in knowing that I still actually have abdominal muscles. I thought they were a thing of the past. Imagine that.
So now I am waiting to re-invent myself once again. When I can take a deep breath and roll over in bed without tears in my eyes, I will start fresh. Only this time, it will be as a pre-beginer. I think even Chuck & Christie will understand.
Then UPS delivered it and I pretended for 3 days that it wasnt on my porch because I didnt want to have to use it. Not a great way to start.
Eventually Dan saw it out on the porch and dragged it into the house. It weighs like 110 pounds and neither of us wanted to bring it down the stairs so we left it in the kitchen. Very handy. I laid stuff on it. Used it as extra seating. Avoided looking at it.
During my Thursday night TV viewing last week, Dan decided that NOW would be the time to put it in the basement. With me complaining the whole way about it not taking longer that the commerical break, we got it down the stairs. That was a workout all on its own. I needed to rest after that. But thankfully, I didnt have Chuck Norris or Christie Brinkley staring up at me in my kitchen anymore.
Sunday morning I found myself sitting on the couch in my jammies watching TV. I was clicking away and found myself watching an infomercial. It was for the Total Gym. Damn, I thought. That looks like such a cool thing. That would really get me into shape. Duh! Could it be that I had already forgotten that I owned a Total Gym? That it was in the basement still all boxed up and waiting? Yep! The guilt was overwhelming. So I hauled myself off the couch and went downstairs in my jammies and took the first step toward fitness.
The box says 'fully assembeled - just open and use'. Yeah, right! After an hour of what I consider 'assembling', it was ready to go. It is a really neat machine. I am impressed by it and the potential it offers. So I hopped on. Now, the manual offers 4 levels - pre-beginner, beginer, intermediate and advanced. Who the hell wants to consider themselves so out of shape that the are pre-beginner? Not me! So I started with beginer. It was sometime during the 'overhead arch' that I began to notice the stich in my side. I kept going and it seemed to subside. I finished all of the exercises and felt really great. I showered and went on with my day.
Sunday night I was laying on the couch (are we seeing a pattern here?) watching a really bad TV movie and I rolled onto my side trying to get comfortable because I had a bit of a cramp in my side. The cramp turned out to be the 'stich' of earlier that day. Only 100 times worse now. By morning the 'stich' had grown into a 'stab' and my breathing had become compromised. Laughing and coughing were out of the question. They still are...
Having a bit of a dramatic flair about me, I am convinced that I have torn apart some crucial abdominal muscle that will forever keep me from getting in shape and wearing anything below a size 14. In reality, however, Im sure that I have simply pulled an abdomial muscle that somehow survived 2 pregnancies and was just withering away inside me praying for a crunch or two to keep it from extinction. I am trying to take some comfort in knowing that I still actually have abdominal muscles. I thought they were a thing of the past. Imagine that.
So now I am waiting to re-invent myself once again. When I can take a deep breath and roll over in bed without tears in my eyes, I will start fresh. Only this time, it will be as a pre-beginer. I think even Chuck & Christie will understand.
posted by diabetes mom at 10:27 AM
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