Me Too
It seems sometimes that everything that goes on in my life has to do with someone else. There is very little 'me time' in mommy-world and it is even more so when your child (or in my case, children) has a chronic medical condition. Type 1 diabetes is a full time job...one that I didnt apply for but is mine, for better or for worse! I dont think that you can fully understand the life-altering nature of this disease unless you live in a household with it; I have it times 3 - two daughters and a spouse. I can tell you it is not an easy place to live some days. And there are times when I think I might just lose my mind. But the love and laughter and commitment to my family help me overcome the bad stuff more often than not.
One thing that I am not committed to, however, is myself. I have gained over 30 pounds since my first daughter was diagnosed 6 years ago. It seems that the more I try and keep them in good control, the less control I have over myself. And even though I know the ins and outs of their dietary habits, my own have suffered greatly. I make an effort to see that they exercise but do not require it of myself. For a while now, I have been feeling about as low in the self-esteem department as you can get. I dont look in mirrors. I dont wear clothes that I love because I am afraid to try them on and have them not fit. I delete pictures of myself so that I dont have to have a reminder of how I look. I hate my body and I hate how that makes me feel. For so long I have ignored myself, afraid to take on this battle in the face of all the other battles I encounter each day. How could I focus on me when so many other important things need to be done? How do I fit one more thing on my list of priorities? How?
The answer came to me finally last week...you just do it. Just like you have added in every other responsibilty along the way. You just do it. Because if you dont make yourself a priority, no one else will either. You will live a life filled with unhappy days, frumpy sweatpants and no photographic record of you having ever been here. Is that what I want for myself? Is that what I want to give my girls as an example? Hell no.
I joined Weight Watchers on Monday, 2/9. Now I count points and carbs. I am terrified that I will fail. I am overwhelmed by this new lifestyle; I am afraid that by focusing on myself it will mean that I lose focus on everything else. My all or nothing mentality is working against me, but I intend to remain strong. I am determined to make it work; to just do it.
It's time for me to think of me too...
One thing that I am not committed to, however, is myself. I have gained over 30 pounds since my first daughter was diagnosed 6 years ago. It seems that the more I try and keep them in good control, the less control I have over myself. And even though I know the ins and outs of their dietary habits, my own have suffered greatly. I make an effort to see that they exercise but do not require it of myself. For a while now, I have been feeling about as low in the self-esteem department as you can get. I dont look in mirrors. I dont wear clothes that I love because I am afraid to try them on and have them not fit. I delete pictures of myself so that I dont have to have a reminder of how I look. I hate my body and I hate how that makes me feel. For so long I have ignored myself, afraid to take on this battle in the face of all the other battles I encounter each day. How could I focus on me when so many other important things need to be done? How do I fit one more thing on my list of priorities? How?
The answer came to me finally last week...you just do it. Just like you have added in every other responsibilty along the way. You just do it. Because if you dont make yourself a priority, no one else will either. You will live a life filled with unhappy days, frumpy sweatpants and no photographic record of you having ever been here. Is that what I want for myself? Is that what I want to give my girls as an example? Hell no.
I joined Weight Watchers on Monday, 2/9. Now I count points and carbs. I am terrified that I will fail. I am overwhelmed by this new lifestyle; I am afraid that by focusing on myself it will mean that I lose focus on everything else. My all or nothing mentality is working against me, but I intend to remain strong. I am determined to make it work; to just do it.
It's time for me to think of me too...
posted by diabetes mom at 11:20 AM
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